I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize