i think my tv is drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
