Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
