I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
