I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i think i just lost a toe
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
