I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
