yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
