when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
