you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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