I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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