Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
