he puts the penis in happiness.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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