Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
