i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize