she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize