I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize