And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
