dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
