you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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