I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
