I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
