i wish my penis had a tongue
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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