Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
