the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize