Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
