OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
