By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
