hotel room ftw
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize