If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
