Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize