I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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