did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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