How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
