I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
