I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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