Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
