I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
