she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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