I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
