I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
