I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
