So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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