just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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