so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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