i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
