woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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