In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
