Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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