what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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