just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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