and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
