Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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