Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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