And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
