I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
