He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
