Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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