we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
