Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize