Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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