They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
