Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
