Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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