I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
