I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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