Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The air taste purple.
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