I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize