people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize