omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
