it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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