He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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