Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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