covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
