does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
